Is Having a Newborn Baby Really That Hard?

The Truth About New Parenthood and What to Expect During the Fourth Trimester

“Everyone goes through this.”

“This is just how it is with newborns.”

“You just have to push through it.”

Sound familiar? If you're expecting your first baby, you've probably heard variations of these comments. And maybe, like I experienced with my daughter, you'll find yourself on the gym ball at 3 AM, bouncing a crying baby who hasn't slept more than one hour stretches in weeks, thinking: “This must be the ‘hard’ everyone talks about. We just aren't as strong or resilient as everyone else.”

But that narrative is not only wrong - it's dangerous. And I want a better one for you.

The Myth That's Hurting New Parents

Somewhere along the way, we've collectively decided that new parenthood is supposed to be a baptism of fire. That suffering through sleep deprivation, physical pain, emotional overwhelm, and isolation is not just normal - maybe even necessary. A rite of passage; like we’ll earn our tough parent badge once our eyes are dropping out of our heads, baby vomit in our hair, and feeling like a hollow husk of who we once were.

Oof!

What if I told you that in many cultures around the world, new mothers are supported by their village with potent, restorative practices for months after birth? That not only are they supported, but this dishevelled, tired version of motherhood is actively avoided through this use of strict postpartum customs and rituals because these cultures recognise the heightened vulnerability of new mothers.

What if the "push through it" mentality isn't universal, but rather an unfortunate, modern Western invention that's leaving parents unnecessarily struggling?

I say this to all my clients and friends: having a newborn is a major life transition, and it IS hard. But it doesn’t have to be stressful and it definitely doesn’t have to happen without help.

Parenthood isn’t this:

But it’s also not this:

There is a difference between the natural adjustment period of welcoming a new human into your family and the prolonged suffering that we've somehow convinced ourselves is inevitable.

What Support Actually Looks Like

In an ideal world, every new parent would have access to a full support team. Picture this: a midwife providing continuity of care, a postpartum doula helping with practical and emotional support and bodywork, an IBCLC ensuring feeding is going smoothly, meals being delivered, housework being handled, family providing hands-on help, and comprehensive healthcare including pelvic floor specialists, exercise physiologists, and nutritionists.

Sound excessive? Maybe just for the bank account. But it's what our human bodies and minds are designed to need during this vulnerable transition. In the past many of these roles were rolled into a few individuals - the birth workers, the healers, the wise elders.

I know in the way our current world is set up, this number of services isn’t accessible to everyone. But what I want you to know is:

There is no such thing as too much help when you have a baby.

✅ Having a newborn involves a steep learning curve.

✅ There will be many moments of uncertainty.

✅ There will be periods of exhaustion and overwhelm.

But…

❌ Prolonged suffering isn't a given - it's often a sign that you need more support.

Remember: the goal isn't to avoid all challenges of new parenthood, but to ensure you have the support you need to navigate them with your well-being intact.

Busting the Most Harmful Myths and Misconceptions

Let's tackle some more dangerous misconceptions head-on:

Misconception: “I should be able to do this”

It shocks me how many mothers still share this false belief that, for various reasons, they should be able to do the entire motherhood thing alone. Some have been handed down stories of their strong and resilient grandmothers raising 13 children in a foreign country with zero help. Some have had the myth of maternal instinct embedded deep in their subconscious and can’t compute that motherhood doesn’t come 'naturally’ to them. I’ve also met many women whose pre-baby jobs as psychologists, teachers, or other child-focused professions led them to believe they would find parenting easier than most. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case.

If you are assuming you’ll find parenting easy because you’ve spent a lot of time with kids… maybe we should chat.

Myth: “It takes 6 weeks to heal after birth”

Your body takes 9 months to grow a human being. Regardless of how you birth, the strain of pregnancy alone on your body is monumental. Six weeks is barely the beginning of recovery. The idea that you should be "back to normal" by your postpartum checkup is not just unrealistic, it's harmful. Real recovery takes months, sometimes even a year or more. And how long it takes can be largely dependent on how well your body is cared for during the first few months. Horizontal rest, bodywork, pelvic floor physiotherapy, adequate nutritional intake, low stress levels, emotional support, and reduced physical strain all play a role in your recovery.

Bonus myth bust: Urinary incontinence, pelvic floor issues, pain during sex, and other physical problems aren't just “part of motherhood.” These issues are treatable, and you deserve to feel good in your body.

Myth: "Breastfeeding is meant to hurt"

While there can be some initial discomfort as you and baby learn together, persistent pain during breastfeeding is not normal. If it hurts every feed, all the way through, or between feeds, that's your cue to call a lactation consultant (IBCLC). Don't let anyone convince you that suffering through painful breastfeeding is part of the experience. Many breastfeeding support professionals can help you in the early stages of pregnancy, including your postpartum doula, but if breastfeeding feels painful, and you want expert help, don’t hesitate to call an IBCLC. I haven’t met a mother who regretted arranging IBCLC support.

Misconception: "Heavy bleeding for six weeks is normal"

Some bleeding is expected, but if your bleeding lessens and then suddenly becomes heavy again, this can be a sign you're doing too much. Your body is literally telling you to slow down and get more support. If in doubt, call your healthcare provider or a helpline.

Misconception: “Crying all the time is to be expected”

Baby blues - feeling weepy and emotional in the first week - is normal and hormonal. But crying constantly or feeling overwhelmed for weeks isn't something to dismiss. Even if it's not postpartum depression or anxiety, your emotions are telling you something important: you need more support. Don’t let anyone dismiss your mood as normal. See your GP.

Bonus tip: Find a GP you trust who understands that parenting is not meant to be done in isolation. Medication is useful, but it isn’t the answer for everyone, especially without assessing a parent’s support needs first.

Raising a Baby IS Hard, but it doesn’t have to break you.

I am always attempting to manage my clients’ expectations leading up to their first baby. I tread the fine line between “be prepared, it’s tough!” and “stay calm, I’ve got you” - but the fact is I can only say that last part because I’m there, walking alongside them as they journey into parenthood. And while I can’t guarantee they will never feel alone, I will do everything within my control to help them build their village and prepare a supported postpartum.

You're not supposed to do this alone. You're not supposed to figure everything out by instinct. You're not supposed to sacrifice your physical and mental health on the altar of “good parenting.”

The strongest thing you can do as an expectant parent is recognise that you will need help, and actually ask for it. Whether that's hiring a postpartum doula, meeting with a lactation consultant before the birth, organising meal delivery, or asking family to help with housework - getting support isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. Actually, it’s a biological necessity.

Your Permission Slip

Consider this your official permission slip to:

• Ask for help before you're desperate

• Hire professionals even if others think it's “unnecessary”

• Say no to visitors who don't actually help

• Prioritise your recovery and wellbeing

• Trust your instincts when something doesn't feel right

• Reject the notion that suffering is inevitable

The village that once surrounded new families may look different now, but you still deserve one. You still need one. Yeah, you’ve got this, and you don't have to do it alone.

References

Healthline: Postpartum Recovery Myths

Queensland Health: Postpartum Bleeding Information

Traditional Postpartum Practices and Rituals: A Qualitative Systematic Review